Fix the F-ing Ratio

Ok, what is up with clubs having more dudes than chicks? I went to Attica last night and the guy:girl ratio was like 2:1.

All I can say is:

Oh...and remind me.....next time I get hold of the key to the front gate, after getting the maid to agree on keeping the door to the house unlocked....

...I better make sure I brought the right key.

Turns out that I'm in a far better shape than I thought....managed to climb over the gate...and got my dress caught on the way down.

Nearly strangled myself and ruined the dress. Luckily it was one of those wrap dresses I could slide out of easily and no one's up for me to flash them at 5-6 am-ish.....

Wtf speech.

All from the same woman...

"I was in Geneva, unfortunately there were many Middle Eastern people there." 

- and that's why she didn't get a good impression of Switzerland. Yes.

"Obama bin Laden"

- not a good slip.

"I could be on a diet but when the cake is placed in front of me, I forget about my diet pills."

- right.

She's a Relationship Manager (ie. private banker) for a prestigious investment bank, giving a presentation to the children of high net-worth clients.

Don't Be A Fat Tourist

Anyone read this scary story? My mother just told me about it yesterday...

Ok so this is the Singapore Flyer:

...another overrated tourist attraction. Sorry, unlike London where you have a shitload of historically significant beautiful buildings and *may* enjoy 30 min in a box, Singapore only has buildings. Like office buildings. Boring office buildings.

Anyway, that ride suddenly stopped mid-air last year in December. And they couldn't turn it back on. And guess what? The only way down is to abseil down that shit. Yeah. Oh, did I mention it's 42 floors high?

Yeah...pity the poor souls who had the misfortune of being right at the top.

Most Wtf Compliment

"You're lucky! You look very high-maintenance...."

Murphy's Law!

Thank you M. 

"The other day, I was driving my friend's dad's car right? And then I got hit at the back by this cab driver! And so we were exchanging info and so on and I went, "You know what would really suck? If my mom drives by and sees this now." And yes! At that moment, my mom drove past!!! And the light turned red. And she stopped the car and rolled down the window. And I was like, "Oh fuckkkkkkkkk...." I mean of all places, I got into an accident outside Tanglin Mall. And what was my mom doing there???" -M

See guys? Singapore is wayyy too small.

I was at the Watson's in Takashimaya today and noticed something funny. Right next to the condoms was a whole host of pregnancy test kits. Weird placement...I mean, why would they do that? Here you are thinking of the fun you'll be having as you reach for a box of condoms.....and then you get reminded why sex can be very, very scary.

Maybe they're hoping to send these messages instead?

1. "Aaaahhh!!!! Pregnancy! Scary! Grab a condom NOWWWWW!!!!!"

2. "Wasn't that a fun night? Hey, did you use a condom? Yeah, didn't think so...here, grab the pregnancy test kits."

3. "As instructed by the Singapore government, we're here to remind people that it's best to stick to our conservative values. When you reach for a condom, remember the consequences."

We Fly Highhhhhhh

So I went to Zouk tonight and it's mambo night. Whatever the DJ was on must be fantastic. Random ass songs.

I mean, ok, hearing the Rick Roll song twice was kinda weird but maybe this guy has gotten one too many Rick Rolls and decided to spread the misery. The songs were really old but it's Mambo Night. Fine. Then Disney songs came on. And children songs...like "Top of the World" and this song:

Yeah...wtf. Seriously, I need to find out what he's on...

Isn't it Ironic?

So I'm in Singapore...anyone in Singapore noticed the irony of the latest SingTel ads?

They all have the catch phrase, "Express yourself" and  feature people revealing their secrets.

Anyway, one of the ads feature a girl whose secret was, "I pretend I don't know a lot of things so my boyfriend feels smarter."

Express yourself....by dumbing down and hiding your intelligence.

Rodent Creature Prowls

So I'm alone, the lights are off and I hear rodent creature prowling around my room. I'm fucking petrified right now.

Everything is silent and I think rodent creature's bidding it's time. Holy shit I heard something again. I'm so glad I'm chatting with a friend right now because I'm totally freaking myself out.

I should have told one of the satpams about the rat/mice (sigh, I'll keep it that way just for you N) but it's so cute, I'll feel bad if it gets killed.

Ok, I feel like I have to defend my stance against rodent creature. Like yes, I find it cute, but it's not like I want it jumping on me. I have the same relationship with small dogs. They're cute....at a distance. If they're within a 10 ft radius of me, I feel like they're going to eat me.

And it's not an irrational fear. I swear.

It's about this daschund belonging to Queen Margrethe mauling one of her royal guards. Btw, this is how a daschund looks like:

Not so cute now, is it? That's right! Beware bitches! 

Some Rodent In My Room

So last night I saw a rat in my room. Or mice. I don't know. I've never bragged about possessing amazing rodent identifying skills. Anyway, it was kinda cute. Not sure if I should tell my mom. I probably should since I could barely sleep last night. I kept hearing scratching noises and it totally made me believe that that rat/mice is digging a hole through the ceiling to jump on me. 

That'll be kinda scary.

But the rat/mice is really cute so I kinda don't wanna tell my mom about it. I don't wanna get the poor thing killed.

Unless it starts chewing up my clothes, of course. Then that bastard can burn.

..And I'm Proud of It

So my driver gets a phone call telling him he won some lottery and could claim the prize as soon as he transfers money into this account. Yes, that old scam.

He's not an idiot so he just laughed and told the guy, "This is an old scam! People won't fall for it anymore!"

To which the caller snapped back, "Oh yeah? Then how did I manage to scam a total of Rp 32 million (USD $3200) last week?"

I'm not sure what's more wtf...the fact that someone openly admits and is proud of scamming people or the fact that people still fall for scams like this.

Wanna see some wtf videos?

http://iamjudgmental.blogspot.com/2009/05/crazy-woman.html?showComment=1244789554014#c1005758972526804297

My Sister Got An Owl

That's right. She got an owl. Like an actual owl.

See?

Yes, she bought it off the streets of Jakarta. Yes it's still a baby. Yes, what the fucking fuck. This has got to be really bad eco-system/environment/animal rights/whatever -wise.

Btw, that pic was right before it pooped on my bed. But it's soooo cute, I guess it's fine. I wonder if this is how parents feel about their brats...

Plastic Surgery Tea

So. I went to a tea where the highlight was the presence of this plastic surgeon.

Nice guy.

But I'm now freaked out.

Apparently there's 101 things that can go "wrong" with your body.

Everything from "single-lid eyes" to "my forehead's too high."

Ah yes, and this woman wanted to do a tummy tuck that her husband wouldn't notice. Erm, I think if I got married and my husband could fail to notice I had plastic surgery...well. That relationship is probably a sad, sad one.

The hostess bragged of how she had 16 surgeries done. I'm...perturbed. lol...apparently she gets detained in airports all the time since she looks *that* different.

Feet Torture Is STILL Fashionable

So I was at lunch yesterday and this girl with absolutely gorgeous legs in gorgeous high-heel shoes was there. My mom noticed her gorgeous legs of course and had to ask if her shoes hurt. The girl's mom started going on about how she only allowed her daughter to wear high-heels, even when walking long ass distances in Hong Kong, and that's how her daughter became more comfortable in high-heels.

I nearly leapt across the table to stuff that woman's mouth with cake just to stop her from going on. I could see where my mom's train of thought would start careening towards. Yes. I was right. The mother decided I had to start wearing heels only. 

So we went shopping. Tried on a bunch of excruciating shoes. Ok. What is up with designers designing shoes with the sole purpose of mangling feet??? I kept eyeing the Beverly Feldman shoes....cute but FLAT shoes.

I'm sorry, I walk a lot. I *need* shoes I can practically run in. I mean, it's not like I sacrifice fashion that much for comfort......I still refuse to wear Crocs (one of those shoes that should make you go "wtf.")....

My mom was going about how I should wear cute shoes to lunch since there's no reason I would need comfy shoes at lunch. Says who? Er, I wear shoes I can sprint in for a reason...

Luckily my mom fell in love with the same Melissa shoes as me...

Yes, they're fucking cute. I feel like they were painting my feet and they felt soooo comfy at first. Of course when I wore them today.............

Well...now I have blisters on my blisters. 

And tonight, I felt the need to wear my very cute but extremely painful Steve Madden shoes for dinner. I have never claimed to be intelligent. I was dying. Ended up shoving my shoes at everyone and forcing everybody to admire them. I don't care if everyone agreed they were cute just to avoid getting their toes skewered by me. At that moment, I would accept even sympathy compliments.

Stem Cells

Ok, we all know how stupid the latest fads can get right? But I swear this latest stem cell fad among Indonesian socialites has taken retardation to a whole new level. 

Apparently some people believe that stem cells are the key to better, younger skin. They believe you can rub in stem cell creams, eat stem cell pills and inject stem cells into their faces. What the f*ck?????

If you're wondering what stem cells are, here's the wikipedia entry:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stem_cell

I don't recommend wikipedia for research but it gives you a good general idea of a subject.

If you're too lazy to read, well, a picture's worth a thousand words. Here's what you use stem cells for:

So...the beginning

You know when you're confronted with something that's so absurdly stupid/strange/unexplainable/etc. that the only expression that captures your feeling is, "wtf."

Like an advertisement for a residential complex called Harapan Indah (Beautiful Hope). What the heck am I hoping for? A vermin-free neighbourhood? Normal neighbours? A home that won't collapse from a strong gust of wind? No, really. Tell me. What is it??? Harapan apa??

Or an advertisement for a school that has this phrase, "Is World School" 

What the f*cking f*ck. I just wanted to climb up that billboard and edit it. Come on, this is an ad for an educational institution. Not some hip "Got Milk?" ad that can afford bad grammar. "It's"!!! Not "is"! "It's"!!!!

Yes. A lot of things drive me insane.